The Truth About Absence and Loss
Co-wriiten by Etariemi Koboju
Some of the hardest things to think or talk about in life are ‘letting go’, ‘absence’ and ‘loss’. These three aren’t even things that have definite solutions to reducing the pain they give neither do they have a description book for how relieving they can be. They are the most subjective subjects anyone can talk about. But, everyone finds themselves having to deal with these three often and at different points in life. Be it the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, a failed business venture or even a failed dream backed up by years of hard work and investments.
The point where absence and loss create a dilemma is what this article hopes to touch on. The point where you decide to pick one of these: letting go, moving on, or just wallowing in the vacuum that absence or loss have formed for you. More than touching this dilemma, we hope that you would gain the courage to face life head-on and enjoy its beauty, being grateful for the times you have had already.
A lot of people have denied themselves the beauty that’s life because they’ve held on to what was and what might or could have been. Many have put their lives on hold even while letting the grey tint in their hairs form. It is often not their fault that they have stagnant parts of their lives. Some people really just cannot process or deal with hurt and loss as quickly as others. In the same way, some people cannot easily accept the fact that absence and some forms of loss are necessary for their growth.
Never live life on those terms. Let love and let go. A tight grip on the past will never ensure progress in life. Progress is also often hinged on enduring the absence of some figures in your life at strategic points. In the same vein, without some losses, you may not have the victory you hope to see in the end. While all these may sound painful, it is oftentimes true.
Tare: “Some of the most beautiful conversations I had growing up were with my mother, being her first child and the one who helped her with the oversight of her businesses granted me access to privy information and wonderful life lessons. Lessons that, even after her death, still guide and shape decisions that I make.
However, death taught me the biggest lesson of all, that nothing lasts forever, not even the presence of a mother in the life of the child she spilt blood for. Even memory can be swallowed up, either by time or the grave, either way, nothing lasts forever. A Yoruba adage says that twenty children can’t play together for twenty years, the essence of the adage is also to remind us that nothing lasts forever. While you cherish the moments you have today, endeavour not to linger too long when the moment passes”.
Mayowa: “I realized a little late that I was better at second chances, second times, second opportunities and all the possible ‘seconds’ you can come up with. Not that the first times weren’t good, second times were just the greatest. Plus, most of my ‘firsts’ left me hurt, a little scarred or abandoned. So, I decided to make it a mandate to not remain in my hurt and loss but count my losses as the things that define my journey. I know this sounds cliché but it is what makes me do so many things shamelessly. This mandate is what makes me OLUWAMAYOWA after all.”
No one cherishes loss or absence or even hurt, but they have proven over time, in man’s history, to be great life teachers and facilitators of growth. They can be strengtheners and we can use them to make up life’s journey.
